The Big Four
by RayRayofCali
Summary: Got this idea from a friends/big four video. Now is a series of drabble-y one-shots. Cover photo made possible with oliverespectro on deviantart. Yes, I personalized it but the original art is through that user.
1. Thanksgiving

Rapunzel walked over to Hiccup and stared at him. Their parents were still here and Rapunzel was waiting on him to fess up that it was him and not Jack.

"So, Hiccup. It's almost time for them to go. Gonna tell them?" Hiccup nervously stared at the table. He really didn't want to tell their parents.

"Actually, I was thinking of writing a letter instead," he stalled. Rapunzel narrowed her eyes.

"Alright that's it. You've had your chance." She walked away.

"Punzie?"

"Mom, dad." Rapunzel stood behind them and put her hands around their shoulders. She said it loud enough for everyone to hear. "Hiccup smoked pot in college!" Hiccup's eyes widened and he jumped from his seat. Their parents looked at Rapunzel and frowned.

"What?" They both said. Hiccup ran in to try to save himself.

"You are such a tattletale!" He whispered to Rapunzel. Rapunzel didn't care. Hiccup sat in front of them and started his plead of innocence. "Mom, dad, you remember when you walked in my room and smelled marijuana?" Both their parents looked to Jack sitting in a chair nearby.

"Yes." They both agreed while shooting daggers at Jack through their eyes. Jack sank back in his seat. Hiccup knew he couldn't let his parents hate Jack because of him.

"Well, I told you it was Jack who was smoking the pot but...it was me, I'm sorry." But Rapunzel didn't think that was enough.

"Oh, and dad? Remember that mailman you got fired? He didn't steal your playboys, Hiccup did!" Both parents looked to Hiccup again and Hiccup did not want to be the deer in the headlights any longer.

"Yeah, well, Hurricane Gloria didn't break the porch wing, Rapunzel did!" Now, it was full on war between Hiccup and Rapunzel.

"Hiccup hasn't worked at the museum for a year!"

"Rapunzel and Jack are living together!" Jack covered his face with his hands an Rapunzel was almost out but had one more peice of dirt on him.

"Hiccup married Merida in Vegas and got divorced! AGAIN!" Then all of a sudden, Tooth yelled out to the rest of the apartment full of people.

"I love Jaq Gusteau!" They all looked at her in confusion. But even Merida joined in.

"I wasn't supposed to put beef in the trifle!" Merida cried out as she flipped through the pages of the recipe book. Then Eugene stood from his seat and yelled above everyone.

"I wanna GO!" Eugene had been bugging everyone on leaving for some chicks. Rapunzel and Hiccup's mom sat back.

"That's a lot of information to get in 30 seconds. Eugene, if you wanna leave, just leave." Eugene ran out the door and down the stairs. "Merida, no you weren't supposed to put beef in the trifle. It did not taste good." Merida sat her head down on the table, her mess of red hair everywhere. "Tooth, I'm sorry but I think Jaq Gusteau is dead." Tooth looked down in depression. "Rapunzel, why you felt the need to hide your relationship with Jack is beyond me."

"And we kinda figured about the porch swing." Their dad said. Then she turned to her son.

"Hiccup. Drugs? Divorced? Again?" She waited a second but Hiccup just stood there in shame. "Why?"

"I was tricked into all those things..." Hiccup said.


	2. Southern Isles, Macaroni, and Legwarmers

Rapunzel walked over to the couch and waited there for Jack.

"I can't believe you told her!" Hiccup said.

"Hey, I had to. We're getting married, married people can't keep secrets."

"Well then I guess Rapunzel should know about the Southern Isles."

"Du-ude!"

"Wait a minute," Rapunzel walked back over to them. "What happened in the Southern Isles?"

"Well you see, me and Jack went to this bar in the Southern Isles once..."

"Did you not hear me say, 'du-ude!'?" Jack tried to stop Hiccup from telling Rapunzel about what happened.

"Anyway, we went and I see this girl making eyes at Jack. So he goes over to her and a few minutes later, I see them kissing. Now I know what you're thinking, Jack isn't the type of guy that goes to bars and makes out with girls, and you're right. Jack's not the type of guy that goes to bars and makes out with..._girls_." Rapunzel had her jaw dropped. She faced Jack and laughed. Jack was completely red in the face.

"You kissed a guy?!" She laughed.

"In my defense, it was dark and he was a very pretty guy!" She just kept laughing. "Ok, fine. Fine. You wanna hear something funny? In college, Hiccup used to wear legwarmers." Rapunzel then looked at her brother and kept laughing. By this time, she was holding her sides.

"Oh, you wanna hear something funnier? Jack entered a Vanilla Ice look-alike contest and won!" Jack narrowed his eyes at Hiccup.

"Hiccup came in fourth! And CRIED!" Rapunzel couldn't stop laughing. Hiccup looked at Rapunzel angrily.

"Oh, you think that's funny! Well maybe Jack should know some of your secrets." Rapunzel caught her breath finally and looked at Jack.

"I already told him everything!" Then she glared at Hiccup. "You, shush!" Hiccup was not going to give in that easily.

"One time, Rapunzel got sent to her room without dinner so she ate the macaroni off of a jewelry box she made."

"Hiccup used to stay home every Saturday night to watch Golden Girls!"

"Rapunzel couldn't tell time until she was thirteen!" Rapunzel gasped.

"It's hard for some people!" Jack chuckled.

"Of course it is!" He said sarcasm dripping in his voice. Then Rapunzel just blurted it out.

"Jack one time wore my underwear to work!"

"**HEY!**" Jack yelled his face going red again. Rapunzel blushed too, not realizing she said that out loud.

"I'm sorry, I couldn't think of anymore for Hiccup." Hiccup laughed.

"Jack got drunk one time and slept with the lady that cleaned our dorm!"

"Ha!" Rapunzel laughed. Jack confusedly looked at Hiccup.

"That was you." He said plainly. Rapunzel laughed even harder.


	3. I Love My Sibling

"Did you know that Jack kissed Merida?" Jack rolled his eyes. Did he really have to talk about this?

"What?" Rapunzel asked. "When was this?"

"1987. The weekend you guys visited me at school." Rapunzel remembered. That was the weekend she...well, she got her first kiss.

"Oh my God! That's wild!"

"Yeah but it was like a hundred years ago so it doesn't matter." Jack defended.

"Well it matters to me!"

"Why?" Jack asked.

"Because the night you kissed Merida was the night I kissed Merida for the very first time!"

"Whoa, two guys in one night?" Rapunzel then thought about it. "Well I thought she became a slut AFTER she got her nose fixed."

"Seriously, when did this happen?" Jack wanted to know how Merida had managed to kiss two guys in a night. She fooled them both.

"Well when you left her in the bedroom, I went in there to make sure she was alright. She was all buried in peoples coats and I went to kiss her forehead but I accidently got her lips. I started to pull away but then I felt her start to kiss me back. It was only for a second but...it was amazing." Jack then realized something.

"Which bed did you say she was on?"

"Mine." Jack was confused.

"I'm pretty sure I put her on my bed."

"No she was definitely on my bed." Jack rolled his eyes.

"Why the hell would I kiss a girl and then put her on your bed?" Now Hiccup was confused.

"Well then who was on my bed?" Then it hit Rapunzel like a ton of bricks. Her first kiss was...

"Oh! Oh!" Rapunzel raised her hand. Hiccup looked at Rapunzel and his eyes widened. He kissed...his SISTER?!

"No! NO!"

"Yes!" Rapunzel covered her mouth.

"You were under the pile of coats?!" Hiccup yelled.

"I WAS the pile of coats!" Hiccup made a disgusted face.

"Oh my God!" Rapunzel went over and smacked Hiccup on the back of his head.

"You were my midnight mystery kisser?" She yelled at him.

"You were my first kiss with Merida?!"

"You were my first kiss EVER?!" Jack and Hiccup's jaws were dropped. Rapunzel was disgusted. Her first kiss...was her BROTHER!

"What did I marry into?!" Jack yelled.


	4. Trapped

Jack, Eugene, Rapunzel, and Tooth were all sitting in a closet. They were locked in.

"Can you hear anything?" Tooth asked. Jack rolled his eyes.

"Yes, someone just said, 'can you hear anything?'" Rapunzel was not in the mood for Jack's little jokes. When she looked over, Eugene was hunched on all fours with nothing but his behind to show them

"Hey, Eugene's ass." Jack looked over and indeed, Eugene's butt was the only thing visible to them. "What are you doing?" Rapunzel pulled him back and Eugene was holding a cardboard box that was labeled, "trapped box".

"Well remember that time that we all got stuck in Meridas room for a day with nothing to do or eat?" They all nodded. "Well when Hiccup said 'Merida' at the wedding, I figured it was gonna happen again. So I packed this full of stuff just in case. Let's see," He opened the box and started emptying it. "We got Pringles, chips, marshmallows, bread," Tooth reached in.

"Mad libs? MINE!" She pulled the mad libs out and clutched them to her chest. Jack took one look inside and immediately found a little box with small square packages on the cover. He shook his head.

"Condoms?" He looked at Eugene and Rapunzel and Tooth looked at him too in confusion. Eugene looked at them and blushed.

"Well you don't know how long we'll be in here!" They rolled their eyes. Rapunzel was not going to be having sex with Eugene. Tooth wanted to but she wasn't going to admit that. "We may have to repopulate the Earth." Jack just shook his head again and picked up the box and pointed at the word 'protection'

"And condoms are the way to do that." Eugene shrugged.


	5. The Jellyfish

Merida and Hiccup sat on the couch, cuddling and talking all romantic-ish with each other. With his arm around her shoulders, he looked back at the table where Rapunzel, Eugene, and Jack sat.

"Hey, I was thinking, maybe we should make that beach house trip an annual thing. What do you think?"

"NO!" All of them said. Merida jumped up.

"Alright that's it. What happened on that beach?" They all quieted down again and put their heads down. But Eugene stood up.

"Alright." Rapunzel and Jack raced to him.

"No! Eugene, we swore we'd never tell!" Jack followed.

"They'll never understand!" Eugene just stood there thinking about it but he wouldn't change his mind.

"We have to say something! We have to get it out! It's eating me alive!" Rapunzel looked away in shame. "Rapunzel got stung by a jellyfish."

"Alright!" She shouted. Eugene was right. They should get it out. "Alright." She patted Eugene on the chest. "I got stung. Stung bad. I couldn't stand. I couldn't even walk."

"We were two miles from the house." Jack joined into the story. "We were scared and alone. We didn't think we would make it." He went to put his hands on her shoulders but thought better of it and decided not to. They both looked up at Eugene. "Then Eugene remembered something." Merida, Hiccup and Tooth looked at Eugene, expeccting him to say.

"Look, I saw this thing on the discovery channel..."

"Oh, yeah, I saw that! Yeah, on the discovery channel!" Hiccup smiled at the thought. "Yeah and how if you-" Then his smile dropped and he looked at Rapunzel in disgust. "Eww!"

"What?" Merida and Tooth asked.

"You peed on yourself?" Merida and Tooth joined Hiccup in a look of disgust.

"Eww." They both said, as if on cue. Rapunzel turned red.

"You can't say that! You don't know!" They continued to listen to her. "I thought I was gonna pass out from the pain." They all thought about it for a second. She was right. She had to, didn't she? "Only I-I couldn't...bend...that way." She tried to demonstrate that she was flexible but couldn't do it. "So..." Then she looked at Eugene. Eventually, they understood and looked at Eugene in a chorus of 'eww's.

"That's right, I stepped up!" He yelled as though he were proud of the fact that he peed on someone. "She's my friend and she needed help! If I had to, I'd pee on any one of you!" He pointed a finger at each of them. They all shrugged that he had a good point. Eugene placed his hands on his hips and stopped shouting. "Only, uh, I couldn't. I got stage fright." He tried to smile to lighten the mood but none of them cared. They just wanted to know what happened. "There was just so much pressure and I couldn't deal with it so...I turned to Jack-"

Jack screamed behind his hands that were covering his face. Once he stopped, he pulled his hands off and glared at Eugene.

"Eugene kept screaming at me. 'Do it now! Do it! Do it! Do it now!'" He looked at the three of them. "Sometimes, late at night, I can still hear the screaming." Jack looked completely mortified while Eugene stood there trying to hols in his laugh.

"That's cause sometimes I do it through your wall to freak you out." He patted Jack on the shoulder but it didn't help. Merida was the first to talk.

"Well maybe you should talk to somebody."

"Who?" Rapunzel asked. "It's not like they have a group for people like us!" Merida shrugged. At least she tried. Tooth spoke.

"Actually, there's this guy, Owen, he's great." They all looked at her in confusion. "I might have his card." She started to dig through her purse.


	6. Hermaphrodite Cheerleader from DunBroch

"So wait a minute, let me get this straight," Merida said while holding her hair in giant strands. They were all sitting at the table for dinner. With Kristoff as a special guest. "You were in an 'I-Hate-Merida' club?"

"Yes, he was." Kristoff said, still proud of that fact.

"No, no." Hiccup tried to cover it up but it wasn't doing any good.

"So, who else was in this club?"

"Well, there was also that exchange student from Thailand but, uh, I don't think he knew what it was."

"And what? You guys would just get together and just say mean things about me?" Merida stood up and walked over to the couch. A few followed. Eugene didn't. He was still eating.

"Oh, we did a little more than that." Kristoff said.

"No, no, no, no, no." Hiccup tried to cut him off but still didn't change anything. Kristoff was gonna go ahead anyway.

"What else did you do?"

"We started a rumor."

"What rumor?" Kristoff motioned to Hiccup. Oh sure, now he shuts up. Hiccup cleared his throat and faced Merida.

"Well, uh, the rumor, the rumor was that you had, uh, um, both, male and female reproductive parts." Merida placed her hand over her mouth and squealed.

"What!"

"That's right!" Kristoff said. "We said your parents flipped a coin and decided to raise you as a girl but you still had a hint of a penis."

"Oh my God!" She screamed in despair.

"You started that?" Rapunzel chimed in.

"Wait, you heard that?!"

"Everyone at our school heard it!" Rapunzel yelled.

"Everyone at my school heard it!" Jack came into conversation. "You were the hermaphrodite cheerleader from DunBroch?"

"Oh, no!" Merida put her face in her hands and screamed. "This is making so much sense now! This is why Stephen wouldn't go out with me. This is why Kai would only stay in this region." Merida then motioned her breasts.

"Actually," Hiccup started. "Kai is gay now, so that one really isn't our fault."

"Rapunzel, how come you never told me this?"

"Well, I thought that it might be true. And then I thought you were gonna cry and then...show it to me." Merida sighed and looked over at Eugene who was just staring at Merida's groin.

"Eugene, stop staring! There's nothing there! It's not true!"

"I'm afraid I'm gonna need proof." Merida rolled her eyes. Only Eugene could try to see someone naked at any point in time.


End file.
